Right Side or Left Side?

Numbers can be fun. sometimes only ok. It's like a game and can also be annoying. Especially when you don't get why the lecturer subtracted that from this and there. and when you seek for help, he answers...

Pure mathematics is the world's best game, did you know. It is more absorbing than chess, more of a gamble than poker, and lasts longer than Monopoly!  It's free too.  It can be played anywhere - Archimedes did it in a bathtub. This is like a game too A-lee-ya.

Well, how am I to fight with the equation, 

Mathematics is a supreme judge. From its decisions there is no appeal!! Oh well, in Mathematics, sometimes you don't understand things, you just get used to them.

I'll just burn the midnight oil till I finish playing this world's-best "game". It's quite fun actually. It takes away all my sleeping hours. How fun

My first final paper is PHYSICS?!

Exam period for final years starts TODAY! Just wanted to wish everyone the best of luck!!

And specially to my lil group of Uni love, 

who goes to class for me when I am not able to attend it, who takes notes for you when you are drained from all the pile of courseworks that was due that day, who I go for class for when they cannot make it ( even if it means that I don't actually take that subject. Engineering?!!! Things I do for you guys... lalala ), becomes one who we rant to bout Uni stress, teaching us how to speak like a proper American ( Yes, eventhough originally he's not an American! hehe ) and the cycle goes on...and has been going on for the past three years.

YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST! :) It pays to build a friendship and find a group of friends like this. 

Counting down, we only have another month of getting into each others way everyday! haha :) I'm going to miss it for sure. For now, it's the finals. Our last hurdle! Hopefully we'll do well in this last one :) 

Nadal, Kokoshka, Brainy, Princess, Don, Handsome, Fish and Sally and Josh has no name :P

Much love,

Toadette 

First paper for the final period that starts today :

PHYSICS AND CONTINUOUS TIME METHODS

Love of my life

It is such a sunny day outside.

Beautiful indeed.

A beautiful day added with a little motivational message/delivery, I'm good to go!

I woke up today to two emails from the "love of my life Part 2".  One from abang, and another from Juai ( aka Ili ) :)

A typical sunday with them and the nieces

And somewhere in between the many lines were, 

"... pick something that you really like or want doing. that's the safest bet 

  ... whatever it is you will always get ppl backing your decision lil sister, ppl like me :) "

" i hope you're doin great with studies and all...study now coz aizat and i might kacau u in between ur exams! hahaha..."

And then the DHL delivery man came by, and these came along as well today, from my little Birmingham love. The one who has sent me many deliveries the past three years I've been in London :) Something I will miss dearly once I go back to tanah air tercinta for good. ( No, it did not come in that DHL envelope la! So small, takkan envelope so big kut )

Ok, the DHL has got to stop coming now... I've decided. But thanks for offering :) I appreciate it very much. 

Time to study now :) Yes, I WANT to voluntarily study at the moment! Thanks to them :) 

Life decision

I've finally helped myself by clicking it. Yes I have decided and I have drafted and I have sent.

I guess...

Being at the right place at the right time is so crucial at times, and since those younger days, I never have been in a perfect relationship with this. hehe...It's either I missed the spot by one placing to represent the team or I missed it by one point to help the team get that Gold medal or I made it into the team but I have my whole future at stake. Not that good a position to be in is it?

But yesterday, it was different. I managed to get into that correct state. MasyAllah. God is great for He has allowed me to take take up ALL THREE! So there, yesterday, I clicked and the result was that I GET TO KEEP IT ALL! :) Alhamdulillah. So instead of foregoing one, I am given the opportunity to take all three. That's more than a great deal!

and I'm VERY THANKFUL I have those around me who have been helping me go through what seem like my biggest life decision I have ever had to make. Especially my dearest jantung hati, MAMA and DADDY. 

Now I have one final hurdle starting next week. My final exams and final few days in University. 

Just 'click' already, will I

Why is it so hard to click the mouse?

I swear I'm wasting my own time...
but it's just so difficult when you put me in a position where I need to reject the one that I want. The one that used to be on my list-of-things-I-wish-and-hope-I-can-achieve-one-day.
It's not something I can hope anymore, because I can own it now. Forever.
But now, I need to let it go? I think Julia and Lydia are better at saying 'tak nak' than I am.

"Sometimes, the right path, is not the easiest path"

Will you just click it already Alia? Please la.

Solat Istikharah, one third of a part of the night

I think maybe, I was being guided, InsyaAllah. I didn't get a dream but I felt somewhat more certain and confident. Alhamdulillah. 

So today, I will make a few calls and confirm which one I am certain of, which one I want to negotiate, and which one I want to play it right. Yup, I think I'll do that.

Motivation. Recharged!

It's been 12 hours since I got back to my home in London. I've slept and unpacked and being struck by jetlag, hence the morning disturbance to some of you guys ( ie : abang, mama, Nordi and Syeena ). Sowwwy :)

I've had the best break, since third year started and clearly, there's nothing like home at the end of the day.  I'm recharged! I'm going to go through this last 2 months clinging and depending heavily on the recharged motivation I've accumulated being back home for one and a half week.

It's my first time making the decision to go back during Easter, and it's really not something I'll ever consider doing ever again! The short time spent back at home doesn't give you enough time to miss London, hence the difficulty to even check in at the Airport. I cried, and Daddy and Mama laughed. Gee, they're so helpful! I think secretly, they were anxiously waiting for me to go before I do more damage and burn their pockets bigger, since all I did most of the time was getting pampered with the luxurious food and cari makan with them! :):) I couldn't even bring myself to say bye to abang and Ili before I flew. It didn't help much that Ili and Aizat passed his latest "I go" song to listen to, which was on repeat accompanying me throughout my journey. 

I'm back in London. The lil green room of mine in Bantry house. The good catch ups and hyperness Alia and I did at 4 in the morning! We're off to see Faezah after she wakes up.  Our last 2 months, carving as much good memories as we can.  Not to mention, being anti social nerds starting tomorrow! :P

For now, 

I just spoke to abang. I miss home. I miss the familiarity. and I miss them most. Them I spent most of my easter days with.

Mama, daddy, abang, Ili, Syeena, Amar and Amil ( Who unfortunately, had to leave all his childhood friends demi negara dan PETRONAS :) )

Mama and Daddy. The best set of confidant!

Juai and Amar. Most of the days, abang and I would be with them Amdans, or either of them. I miss abang and the Amdans.

Kakak Syeena bananaku, who would spend all her time in the world just to tell me happy stories. and we ditch abang during those times. hee!

Abang and his childhood friends. Them, who became so familiar in the house, since I was standard one. The kakak and abang who don't call me by my name anymore, but calls me "adik". 

Unfortunately, abang Amil is now gone. 

They've recharged my motivation, and clearly, I miss the familiarity. 

Simply difficult

It was a good break just having abang trying hard to keep himself awake, Ili scaring me immediately from behind, Aizat doing his shooting by the pool beside us ( whilst we tried to selit ourselves in his music video :P ) and Alif and Cuki sitting on each my left and right watching Twilight.and of course Amar was in our thoughts too! haha! oh the Amdans, Ishaks and Nadzams.

As much as I am looking forward to graduation, I really do not have a clear mind as to what I really want to do upon graduation. Due to this, I have previously in the past couple of months since final year started, spent a mountain loads of time trying to rake that path ahead of me,to try and not let myself down, not knowing what I really want, hence spending sleepless nights and stressful days sitting my butt on the chair facing the screen and persevered through my applications. For Masters and for job.

Like it is in Money and Banking, I opted for value at risk and was going for the worst case possible and that is to be left idle upon graduation. Being told that I would receive a reply 6 weeks after a submission, I was left hopelessly disappointed after no replies came my way even after 5 months passed by. I got people breathing down my neck asking me what my future plans are, and what am currently thinking of doing. I couldn't answer back to them.

and just when I became tired of being patient... I got offers. Another came by after another and has brought me back to square one where now I don't know what to choose.

Banking? It is a very good time to join, as I would be able to witness the real change in the financial system.
Masters? Not always that some good offers come by, so I don't want to miss this opportunity.
Consulting? It's something I am interested in.

Sigh....

Oh well, a good break was well more than what I seeked for. I don't get the answers but I do get the love that calms me down and make me happy with no worries for that short period of time.

now I feel like kidnapping and patting and playing with M and K and snow. Children of Iris. Kittens of the Amdan's whom uncle just introduced me to last night. They're amazingly cute and adorable. I'm allergic though. That's music to Amar's ears, coz he's scared I'd steal them away and bring them back to Shah Alam. Psschhht.

They make things feel easier to handle. Just their company is enough to make things look simpler to handle too. The support and the familiarity.

Of all the Amdan siblings

Given no options, I was placed in a situation when I almost gave up...

But when given so many rolling down at the same time, I think I am now placed in a position when I'm still trapped between my thoughts.

Like Amar said "I think you need to see a counsellor" 

I think he might just be right...that could be my first step.

P/s : Thanks for the splendid Tiramisu Ili! and for coming and bringing over the Wii for daddy and my cousins Amar! Lain kali, if Ili call, must come also k :)

H.O.M.E

I've been waiting and working hard just to push myself to get here, and finally, I'm home. 

It feels amazingly nice. To have so much love pampering you. To have daddy taking leave and all of them greeting me at the airport at 5.30 in the morning. To head straight for Nasi Lemak and Roti Canai for breakfast afterwards. To head home and see a surprise neatly packed and placed on my bed and see my room and jump on the the bed with the most duvets in the house and have nothing to worry about for at least that few hours that I just landed. To go shopping with abang and Amil and just be crazy and hyper, laughing our hearts out whilst licking ice cream and walking in flip flops. To share a plate of halal meatballs at IKEA with the whole family. To stalk all the bookshops and steal a read of a few pages. To sing to songs whilst abang drive around in KL. ( Note that both of us are jetlagged, hence the craziness ). To hang out in abang's room and just listen to him talk bout his GE experience whilst I munch on his Beryl's chocolates. To have mama, daddy and I laying down on my bed just talking about the most random things, whilst the music play our favourite playlist on the iTunes. To fall asleep and not have to panic and wake up for the next lecture. To wake up and have dinner waiting, before heading out to the supermarket and afterwards indulge ourselves in a cup of teh tarik. To have abang lazing around in my room and eating chocolates with me and talk about just everything, and lastly...to have been told by daddy to have an early sleep, and wake up at whatever time my body plans to wake up tomorrow; just so that I can recover from the jetlag and have enough energy to go through the whole routine again.

BLISSFUL LOVE!!!